Ten (and one more) Things I Love About You

The last few days (maybe weeks?) have been niggling ones. You know when there is something annoying around every corner and you just can't work out why. I think partly its the summer holidays so everything we regularly do is cancelled or shifted around and there is just less 'normal'. I'm more of a creature of habit than I knew. Time with mummy friends (hooray for the mamas!) and a good bit of thinking has perked me up a bit and last night my thoughts (after changing a very wet nappy at 12:30...how can one small boy wee so much?!) were about love rather than the impatience and annoyance that has crowded out all the positive over this last tricky period. Specifically, because I really needed to remind myself, love for my little boy.

So here goes... Ten things I love about Conn...

1 - The softness of your skin. It never ceases to amaze me that your cheeks still feel so wonderful against my skin. I guess that's the oxytocin talking.
2 - Your funny little face and its many expressions.

 

3 - Just how much chatter you make these days. It's no longer just a few sounds strung together, your speech is now varied and vibrant and I can tell the tone of your arguments as though you are a professional orator. Even if you do get a little bit loud at times, don't stop the chatter my boy.
4 - The dusty, teddy bear smell of the top of your head as you lie next to me, tickling my nose with your fluffy hair, settling back to sleep after a night time wake up. Only I have ever experienced this, a true blessing.

5 - That you have given me an easy and genuinely good excuse to escape from a career that I was finding harder and harder to reconcile myself with...
6 - ...and that (hopefully) you will not have to enter that world at all but will instead learn from play and life and the world all around you. No limits and tests and truly at your own pace.

7 - The world of new friends you have opened up for me. If it weren't for you I would be missing out of some wonderful new friendships (I still value the old ones just a s much, don't worry!)

8 - Your stubbornness, curiosity and determination. Yes, I really do love it all. It fills me with a certain knowledge that you know what you want (and don't want) and that is a great thing to know in life.
9 - The cuddles. Always the cuddles.

10 - The joy you bring to our home. Yes we may be more tired than we ever were before you came along and have very little in the way of 'free time' these days but I wouldn't change that for the world.

Can I do one more?

11 - The need for slowness and presence in every day. With you, I cannot rush. On those days when you don't want to get in the car seat again and you stand in it refusing to bend in the middle, I could squash you in and save myself a minute or two, or we can just cuddle and talk about where we're going until you're ready. When we need to go upstairs to the bathroom (for yet another nappy change...did I mention the wee!?) It could be much quicker if I just picked you up but we take our time, you climbing the stairs and picking at the paint on the walls and turning the corner to go up into the loft room (I'm sure its just to check if daddy is up there or not). And myriad other little slownesses throughout the day. I love this. Because it won't be long until you can do your own seat belt up and you can run up and down the stairs on your own. You're already almost a year old! Where did that year go?!

Anyway, sorry, got a bit carried away there. But its what I needed. A bit of perspective. A refresh.
Wishing you well my friends. It's all about love round here now (at least until the next time I can't get him to sleep in the evening or have a 2AM sheets changing session anyway!).
S. x

One of Those Day

Every week at the moment we have 'one of those days.' You know the ones where you have lots planned but none of it works out? Sometimes this happens because plans fall through or something that should have been simple and quick gets complicated and takes a lot longer. Round here 'those days' happen when Connor is having a hard time for whatever reason...teething, going through a growth spurt or developmental leap, just feeling a bit overwhelmed with life in general or perhaps being a little under the weather. Whatever it is that causes it he just can't cope with everyday life like he normally does. There are lots and lots of tears that take longer to get over and start so much more easily than usual. There is a lot of whining and a constant need for cuddles...often very wriggly ones. Whatever we try to do is not quite the right thing. Life is just too hard.

Its on days like this that I am incredibly grateful for the fact that I can sack everything off and just be with him at home for the day. I have no obligation to leave the house if I don't fancy it. I do not have to go out to work. I do not have to get the house sparkling clean or even prepare meals for anyone but the two of us (and there's always a fish finger sandwich or a frozen pizza for the days when even simple cooking is too high a mountain to climb.)

So, on 'one of those days' we take a deep breath and ride the stormy sea together with lots of play and singing and slow, slow movement from activity to activity. And do you know what? Although my ears would rather not have to hear the whining and crying that happens many many times throughout the day, and I'd rather he wasn't suffering whatever feelings and frustrations have taken hold of him, I love 'those days'. 'Those days' remind me that this is why I wanted to be a mama. To live every moment of being this little boy's mum, even the shitty bits...maybe especially the shitty bits. Because although it is not always easy (and I certainly used to find it really hard but have got better with practise and an understanding that "this too shall pass") its real and its not the sugar coated vision of life that I post on Instagram. It is in some small part the antidote to it.

And at the end of 'one of those days' I feel a deep sense of achievement despite the fact that I have at most done a load single of laundry and there are still pots to be washed by the sink and the floor is filthy and that pile of stuff is still on the bottom step of the stairs and I didn't manage to ring the garage to book the car in for it's MOT and there is no milk in the fridge and we had a made up meal of whatever we could find that roughly went together and the library books are now overdue and the toys are still scattered all over the sitting room floor and Connor has no nappies for tomorrow morning.

We have still made it through the day. We have still had lots of cuddles and a few smiles and giggles when the sea was a little calmer. We have still felt the deepest sort of love that it is possible to feel. And I am proud of my boy and I am proud of myself for coping with the storm because everything else can wait. None of it matters right now. And that is a great feeling. That it is possible to live a day where nothing matters but my boy. Pure bliss. I'm already looking forward to the next one.

Hope you have (or maybe don't have) 'one of those days' soon.
S. x