Acceptance and affirmation

 I get it, I accept it, we accept it as a family. We have one of those 'high needs' babies. You know, the ones described as clingy, sensitive, fussy and generally hard work.
 It is hard work at times when all he wants is to be attached to us but still wants to explode the world while in arms. Imagine wrestling a small bear and you can kind of get an idea. But it is also really fun!  All those words used to describe a baby like Connor have such negative connotations but for me they are good things.

 He is clingy because he feels at his safest and happiest in our arms and no one else will do. He can really let himself be in our presence so on those days when he just needs to have a good cry to process what's been going on around him he can feel safe enough to let it all out while cuddling in my arms and once it's done he's back to being happy, if a little sensitive still.
 He is sensitive because he is aware of what is going on around him. If another baby cries, he might cry too because he's aware that there is something worth crying about going on very near to him. If he gets upset because of loud noises or sudden appearances it's because he wasn't expecting them and wanted the safety and security of parental arms to help him cope and calm down.
 He is fussy because he is communicating his needs and wants. He is fussy because he is frustrated that he can't do something he wants to do, no matter how hard he tries. He is fussy because he is tired or uncomfortable or lonely or hungry or bored... And every time he fusses, one of us will tend to him to help meet his needs so he is just as fussy the next day and the day after that because we always pay attention to his communication.

 Not knowing any other folks with babes like Connor it can seem like we're doing it wrong sometimes. Conversations with friends are helpful in some ways but often leave me feeling doubtful rather than reassured... Perhaps we're spoiling him? Maybe we should just leave him to cry?  What if we're doing more harm than good? Maybe he is hungry and we should feed him up?
 Thank goodness for the internet. On here there are whole communities of people who have similarly needy babies or who did and now have wonderful, whole, loving children who may still be a little spirited but are happy and healthy and independent and self reliant.
 These stories and insights affirm what we are doing. We do not need to try and change our beautiful boy. We do not even need to try and change his behaviour. We need to keep on just as we are, caring for him with patience, empathy and love... And maybe a bit more patience.

 I read a great quote the other day, not sure who it was from and I've edited it just a little to make it my mama mantra for those doubt filled moments that creep into my head on the difficult days and wakeful nights...

 "The more you trust your decisions, the less you need others to love them"

 Hope you all find acceptance and affirmations of your own during your rough times.
S. x

G is for 'Grump'...and 'Grateful'

Today has been 'one of those days'. Too much we wanted to do and not enough time to do everything we want to, both tired and both with our own ideas of what's most important to accomplish. And to top it all off the little one had his devil face on...

...just like this...a bit manic, toothy and generally unsettled all day long. I know he looks happy but with this chap there is a fine line between being happy and bursting into tears on a day like today.

So, to cut a long story short, we were both grumpy and feeling like the other resented the Connor free time to get stuff done. We've talked it over and made a plan to hopefully level things out again the next time this sort of day occurs but I still need to talk myself around. What better way than to blog!

That was 'G for Grumpy'...now for 'Grateful'...

I find on days like this when all is a bit shit quite frankly the best thing to do is to be grateful for stuff.

:: Grateful for the fact that I can feel crap and can talk about it without fear or scorn.

:: Grateful that I have a little boy who loves to cuddle and be close to his Mama and Dada even if that means that he doesn't want to be put down for hours on end. It's all worth it, especially when he really cuddles back.

:: Grateful for the time I do have to myself, even if it only stretches to a few extra hours in bed at the weekend and a snatch of time in the evening when the monitor is quiet.

:: Grateful for the patience I have for my boy on those nights when it takes an age for him to settle to sleep because his brain is a bit fried and he just needs to let it all out while held in my arms.

:: Grateful for the nights when he sleeps more than usual and the monitor stays quiet in the evening so I get that time.

:: Grateful for where we live, the home we have and the ability we have to make it the way we want it, even if it does mean a bit of mess and dust for little while.

:: Grateful for Sam (though I'm not always good at showing it). For how hard he works. For the time we take to talk about our problems and thoughts. For the concern he shows for how I sleep every night.

:: Grateful for the friends I know will be there to hear my moans and grumbles next time I see them. For their empathy and shared experiences.

There are many more things of course and I apologise if I've listed these before but they are good things to hold onto on the tough days. Here's hoping I don't need to remind myself of them tomorrow too.

Hope you've had a happier weekend friends.
S. x